I just saw a hot homeless man
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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