I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
