I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
wow bdsm is so cute
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