I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
