I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
