just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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