...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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