This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
