He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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