And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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