No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
