Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize