How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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