Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
