I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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