the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
