Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
