This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
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