So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
