Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
