Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
