Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
