meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
