He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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