My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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