shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
