The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
