We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
