I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
