i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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