Just cropdusted the office
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
