I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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