Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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