This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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