dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
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I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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