Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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