remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
