Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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