I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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