Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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