i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
