I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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