I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
