(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
