i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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