Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
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Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
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My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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