if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
