Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
