he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Randomize
