Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
