Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
