I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
