You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And my parents said I crawled through the house
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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