The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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