Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
