Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
