I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
