I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
