Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
