he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
