Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
