i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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