I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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