i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
