you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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