I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
