bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He better not be in your backpack
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
