I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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