who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
