she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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