No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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