Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
