I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
