im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
