haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
