he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
