oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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