i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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