Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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