im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
