Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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