Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
